Edge of the World

Written at High Force nr Barnard Castle, County Durham. Close to where my mother was raised and where we spent many joyful times together when I was a child. A good and happy place for washing memories.   
   

I stood on the edge of the world today

and finally realised I couldn’t have saved you; I

stared right into the watery blue,

like your eyes,

and I truly forgave you all

that you could never see. I dived from a cliff top,

somewhere inside of me,

and I suddenly knew: You

had only ever been afraid; and fear is always

the mother of pain where no courage

delivers words of grace.

And though you likely had much to explain, anger

was all you could really face, and I

told the deepening  yesterday-lake,

it wasn’t my fault,

and it wasn’t yours…

it was only the opening and closing of

doors, and opportunities to hurt,

of old and broken

stones of trust, and terror that I would not stay.

I know now, it has never been too late…courage still

can heal so much, foolish pride could never say.

I stood on the edge of the world and I let it all go today,

over the waterfall and float away, upstream,

leaving behind my happiness, and dreams I could follow freely:

You didn’t mean to do 
the things you did to me, you were only ever scared to be

honest, about what old scars can do,

and to forgive and know

that this is truth,

I find is all it takes, 
to smile often 

when I remember you.