Thursday 21 January 2010

#Fridayflash - Hush, baby, hush...

 
He stared at the body on the table, and thought of his wife. What would she think if she saw this? He knew he’d like to tell her about it, the way he told her everything else, but he didn’t want to upset her. He didn’t want to worry her…not when the baby was so close to being born.

The baby…

He looked again at the body, squinting, grimacing, and could hardly bear to see it. Just yesterday, it had been alive, breathing. Like his wife…like the life inside her…what would she think..? The knife trembled and shook in his hand. He really didn’t feel well. Something had changed in him this time.

The room spun as he stood over the body, and he felt a heated wave of nausea sweep upwards from his feet. He clamped a gloved hand over his mouth, lest he vomit, and turned away, taking a deep, steadying breath.

His eyes settled on a small saw on the counter, and he closed them, wishing the object away. After the knife, he’d have to use that…and then he’d go home to dinner. She’d wonder why he couldn’t eat…and later, why he dreamed…

He used to find this part interesting, he recalled; he used to quite enjoy it; the meticulous study of every piece. But since his wife had placed his hand on her swollen belly, and they had smiled together, touching foreheads over the kicks of their unborn child, he’d lost his appetite. He honestly didn’t think he’d be able to do this again, not after the baby arrived…

He turned back to the body, forcing himself to look at it, and for the first time, noticed the smell… His stomach flipped, his chest tightening unbearably. Who knew they smelled like that, even after death? Like powder and lotion…

The pathologist tied his surgical mask tight around his face, to keep out the smell of the body. He flexed his fingers to steady them, and raised his shaking scalpel to the tiny child’s chest. Making the ‘Y’ incision, he felt bile rise into the back of his throat and tears sting his eyes. This would be the last baby on his slab, he decided. The others could handle the cot deaths after today.

23 comments:

  1. That is a great twist on this story. I really felt the emotion knock me off my feet at the end. Well, well done.

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  2. You cheeky lady, Carrie! I didn't even tweet this yet! :) Thanks for dropping by for a sneak-preview! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was a little worried about the impact of this one's subject.

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  3. Brilliantly powerful piece - you made me cry. Great twist at the end too. Very well done.

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  4. Quite a twist. I was expecting he was up to something sinister, not just a sad, depressing part of his job. Good, well told story.

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  5. Huge emotion here. You did a great job of letting little, telling details through without giving away the whole thing. Well done.

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  6. Wow, I also worried that the man was up to no good. Quite surprised, happily, by the twist.

    Very, very well done.

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  7. Well you certainly got the impact in there - I thought I was going to throw up for a minute. I never thought I'd actually enjoy feeling like I needed to vomit. Superbly told story Amy!

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  8. I thought it was a murder story to begin with! Very well told, and I enjoyed the final twist.

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  9. Love the sinister feel at the beginning. Tipping along the edge of dark.

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  10. Ok I had deep breaths - wondering if I should keep reading for fear of nightmares!
    Good twist.

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  11. good twist, or indeed anti-twist as I refer to those kind of twists :-)
    I would like to see a full-on horror story from you one day. LWG future task, maybe?

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  12. Poor guy.. hopefully he won't have to find a new career while having to support a new family.
    Very good!

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  13. I didn't want to know what he was up to, but I'm glad I stuck with it until the end. Very well told, good detail, ominous feeling, bittersweet emotion. Thanks so much!

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  14. Well done! Medicine is weird like this, you go along doing your job, not thinking too much about it, and then you get a patient that reminds you of someone you love and fall to pieces. You captured it and in such an intense and suspenseful way!

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  15. And people think pathologists have it easy because they don't deal with living patients! You did a great job of not revealing whether the body was alive or dead until the end. Also, loved how you showed the guy's emotion.

    CD

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  16. Wow...great twist. You captured the human quality in a rather creepy job.

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  17. Thank you for the lifeline at the end. ;-) I think you're right. I can't imagine the emotions don't creep in in cases like this.

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  18. I wish pathologists wouldn't mention dinner or put their hands up to their face when they do autopsies.

    Vivid emotions here. Hopefully the good doctor will get a grip on himself.

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  19. Very powerful and I liked the sinister feel at the beginning that turned to sympathy.

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  20. Wow, this was very nice, and I always enjoy your twists :)

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  21. Aww, poor fellow. I imagine that would completely change things.

    And you fooled me well -- I figured the story was going somewhere else entirely!

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  22. Wow. This story was a lot less sinister than I'd suspected. Nicely done. You did a great job packing so much into so few words.

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